


Home of Fear

by SighingIntoTheVoid



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abused Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Gen, Kid Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, OCFear badParenting, Starvation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27185101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SighingIntoTheVoid/pseuds/SighingIntoTheVoid
Summary: Fear is a dragon and represents the dark part of Thomas. At first it's just him, roaming the subconscious until his children come along. He tries to do right by them.He fails, again and again. Until finally his youngest takes a stand.I had this idea in my head and I had to get it out. I hope you guys enjoy this!
Comments: 6
Kudos: 62





	1. Children of Fear

Fear doesn't remember being born. One minute there's nothing and then suddenly he exists. With his birth(?) comes only one instinct. _Protect Thomas_.

He knows he doesn't look anything like his host. For one, Thomas is human. Fear's body is large and shaped like a dragon's, with claws and a whiplash tail. His scales are beautiful shades of navy blue, which help him melt seamlessly into the shadows to keep an eye on things.

Someone has to - the Others are hopeless, they spend most of their time arguing.

He enjoys his talks with Logic when he catches the side alone but the King seems to think he's evil right off the bat. And Heart..well Heart seems to be scared of him, as everytime Fear enters the room Heart soon leaves. Which is fine. Didn't hurt at all.

He starts to grow larger and soon he can't go into his room anymore. He would stay in the Commons but he doesn't like how uneasy the others are getting at his size. It's not like he can control his growth spurts.

So Fear takes to roaming the subconscious, and decides watching over and protecting his Host from the shadows is better.

Fear tells himself he's okay with this. He doesn't need to be liked, not to do his job. 

**

Thomas breaks a toy and his brother is taking the fall. He can either speak up or stay quiet.

A decision is made and Deceit appears.

Fear is _delighted_. He didn't realize how lonely he'd been until suddenly he wasn't anymore. 

Now he has Deceit.

His perfect little scaley boi who enjoys riddles and has such a way with words..

**

Having a new side to tend to is terrifying. Fear doesn't know the slightest bit about being gentle but he tries. Honest. It's just...frustrating.

Deceit talks back too often, pokes at his insecurities until one day Fear loses control and does the unthinkable.

Fear curses his child. He's a dragon, so spells and magic come easy as breathing. It does make Deceit fall in line but Fear never gets over the guilt.

**

Soon after come twins Greed and Rage, horned beasts that usually spend the days wrestling each other and tearing things apart. Fear often has to break them to stop their rampages. He hates doing it, something tells him his way isn't right but he doesn't know how else to stop them.

**

Little Remus just appears one day and refuses to explain how he came to be. Fear knows the Duke isn't his own but what's one more to take in? 

Only Remus never stops. He's always pushing things one step too far.Sometimes he's so tempted to Curse but...The Duke is not his, not truly. It feels wrong. 

Instead Fear learns to punish Deceit for any misgivings. That seems to keep Remus in line easy enough. He ignores the part of him that says it's wrong. It works and they can't die, not really. There's not even any blood, so it's fine. 

Really.

**

Fear cherishes all of his children. He can't say love. He doesn't know if he's capable of that. But he fretts over their well being and is proud of their abilities. He teaches them how to hide and manipulate and when to be LOUD. 

And for a long time it's the four of them.

Then one night, after weeks of agony Fear passes out and wakes up with a little Anxiety.

Literally. 


	2. Anxiety Appears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety Appears and introductions are made. A new title is given

Two weeks. Two _weeks_ of this feeling. Fear tries to hide it from his children, not wanting them to worry. And they would worry, right? Or would they be happy? All he did was hurt them but there wasn't any other way! But he'd never really tried _because he liked it he was a monster--_

**_No! Stop!_** He spends several nights wrapped up tightly, trembling and unable to sleep until he finally passes out.

He sleeps for a long time and when he wakes up, the itching under his skin has mercifully gone away. Fear stretches out his body, freezing when he feels something weighing down his tail.

He cranes his head back and his breath catches. 

_Oh_.

There's a tiny bundle curled up, still sleeping. Fear pulls his tail closer, trusting that it would sleep through the movement. Coming into existence is tiring - he should know. 

Fear uses his snout to nudge the prone form around, searching for signs of extra limbs or scales.

_Nothing_.

Even Remus has animal parts - and he isn't even part of Fear! The dragon snorts, pulling away. Well, at least he knows the function now.

Anxiety. Male.

Anxiety is so _tiny_. He looks to be no more than five, which is odd seeing how Thomas is currently in his twenties. He's also disturbingly normal.

Fear senses the arrival of Rage and eyes the clock in the living room. _What's he doing up?_

The reason for his child's early rise is shown as he turns the corner and tumbles down the stairs His fur, which is usually a russet green, is covered in black sludge. Only his orange eyes are visible, blazing with fury. 

The moment Rage sees him he snaps, "I've HAD IT I demand a LOCK!" He spots the little bundle in Fears arms. "What the hell is that?!"

"Apparently I have Anxiety now." Fear snorts in amusement.

Rage creeps closer. "He looks kinda.." He tilts his head. "..normal don't you think?" 

Before Fear can answer Remus pops up with a manic grin, completely nude. "Tag you're it!"

Rage lost it. "I DONT WANT TO PLAY YOUR FUCKING GAMES!" The horns along his spine grow longer in tune with his emotions and The Duke disappears just in time to avoid the swipe of his tail.

Rage turns his anger towards Anxiety, who is starting to wake up. Fear narrows his eyes in warning. "Watch it Spitfire. I'd hate to break you again so soon."

"Fuck you! You don't control me! And you you little shit--" Rage gets right in Anxiety's face. "You better not _**EVER**_ go in my room got it?!"

Fear is tempted to slam his tail into his brat of a child but he is curious as to how their newest addition will react. 

What happens next is the most adorable thing he'd ever witnessed. 

Anxiety, while rubbing sleep from his eye with a tiny fist, reaches out with his other one to gently poke Rage on the nose. "Boop'd th'snoop."

Rages shoulders start to shake, then his arms, and finally he throws his head back to laugh. "Oh I like you~"

Anxiety hides his face in the dragon's tail with a shy whine.

Fear laughs, low throaty howls that echo through the main room. "Come now little storm. Don't you want to meet your family?"

The frantic squeak and head shaking has Fears protective instincts coming out. He's never had a child so small before. Compared to Anxiety the others are gigantic - no wonder he's so terrified. 

Deceit appears, a tight hold on Remus' arm.

"Can someone explain -- oh my." Deceit lets go in shock. "Is that..?" He knew what it looks like but he's never seen a side so tiny before. He's wearing a black sweatshirt that drops down past his knees and his hair is streaked purple.

No horns, or scales from what he can see. 

Remus leaps forward, full of manic energy. Before Deceit can stop him he all but pounces on the small bundle.

"ImTheDukeYouCanCallMeRemus!"

Anxiety trembles and Fear shoves the pest away. "You know the rules."

Remus flops to the floor with a dramatic groan. "Rules are boring! Thomalamb never listens to me with your rules." No one ever listened. Or liked it when he showed up. The only way to get any attention was by being normal and he hated it!

Anxiety peeks out from his hiding spot, sensing the morose emotions. He doesn't know much yet but instinct has him shuffling closer.

Deceit has to cover his mouth to keep the burst of laughter in. Anxiety hasn't quite figured out walking yet so he's wiggling his body along like a worm, his little tongue sticking in concentration.

Too. Much. _Cuteness_.

Anxiety is finally close enough to reach out with a chubby hand to pat Remus on the head. "Dere dere Ducky."

His tiny brow furrows, seeking out the dark thoughts and pulling them into himself. The little side still feels anxious but more...settled? As if the buzzing was in one place now instead of spread over. 

Deceit watches as Shadows poured from Remus and settled on Anxiety’s skin like eyeshadow. _Maybe not so normal after all_. 

Remus slowly sits up, a confused look on his face. "I feel..better?" He blinks at Anxiety. "Did you call me Ducky?"

The cute nod has Remus squeeing. He swoops Anxiety up in his arms and hugs him tightly as he twirls them around the room. 

"Yes! I accept my new title! I will skin anyone who harms you, yes I will~ and feed them their eyes and maybe their toes~"

Fear growls a warning and he tenses. Oh. He’s being bad again.

Anxiety is giggling though, and for some reason that makes Remus happy. He twirls them one more time then stops in front of Deceit. He holds Anxiety out like one would a wild cat.

"This lovely snake is Deceit! He cannot tell a lie, watch." Remus clears his throat and dramatically bellows, "Oh wise truthsayer who is the most beautiful side?"

"I am," Deceit deadpans.

Remus wiggles his eyebrows at Anxiety. "See? _Facts_."

Anxiety giggles again and Deceit falls in love.


	3. Taking a stand and Making a Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety sees more than he lets on. Deceit gets his first hug.

Anxiety is so tiny and has a way of moving that puts Fears own slinking to shame. He seems to  _ blink  _ in and out of view when he's scared. He doesn't venture far, content to spend his first few days snuggled up in Fears tail.

His Room still hasn't appeared yet, which is worrying. Usually the door would show within a few minutes but days have passed and still there was no sign of even an outline. Not that Fear minds keeping his little storm cloud close, it's just the principal of the matter.

"I can hear you fretting from here," Deceit hisses, not even looking up from his book. "It's fine. He just hasn't settled yet."

Right. That makes sense. Anxiety  _ would _ take a moment to settle.

Until the day comes and Fear ruins everything. 

Like always.

**

Anxiety knows something isn't right about his family. For the most part everything is great. They usually pile into the living room because Fear is too big to go into the other places. They watch movies and throw food at the screen while making sarcastic comments. He's not as funny yet but he's getting there, he thinks.

But even though he's smaller than the others, he's not stupid. He sees how Deceit grows tense when a certain dragon gets too close. He shouldn't be scared of Papa, right? 

Or how Ducky doest stay around long and never seems to talk much when Fear is around. And when Greed eats it's a way smaller portion, and he spends the whole time trembling. 

Rage seems to be the only one not scared. He goads Greed into fights and never apologizes when Fear roars at them to STOP.

Anxiety kind of admires him. Wishes he could be brave too, instead of hiding in the shadows and shaking. But he's so little and Fear is  **huge** . He can’t possibly stand up to Papa.

And why should he? They're being bad, right? Papa said stop and they weren't stopping. Anxiety should just stay out of it. 

That's the plan. 

Until one day forgets to follow it.

One day the fighting goes on for what feels like forever, and Fear snaps. He claws his way into the twin’s heads and the cries and whimpers as they break is terrifying.

Anxiety ends up fleeing to hide in Deceits closet. There’s something comforting about the small, dark area. He cries himself to sleep and ends up being dragged out by Papa’s tail. 

"This sulk of yours has gone on long enough," the dragon huffs. "Look, your brothers are fine!"

Anxiety toddles over to check for himself. He runs chubby hands through Rages fur. Then Greed's.

There's not a scar or mark on them. But still Anxiety can't stop the tears when Rage nudges him with his snout and asks what's wrong.

The question stumps Anxiety, makes something in his stomach twist with..guilt?

"Papa hurt you."

Rages eyes are filled with quiet grief. "I..I didn't stop when he told me to." His voice is rough, from screaming. It’s the only clue that something bad ever happened and it’s - it’s wrong! 

Anxiety tries not to cry harder, burying his face in his brother's neck. What if Papa broke him next? 

"It's okay," Greed rumbles and Anxiety  _ loses it.  _ There's a deep pressure that is wrapping it's way around his voice as he screams. "It's **_NOT OKAY_** **_"_ **

_ His body shifts and suddenly he's looking down at Greed instead of up. What? _

The shout has Deceit appearing, still fastening on his cape. Seeing a grown Anxiety has him fumbling with the buttons. Not five minutes ago he was a child - what happened?

Anxiety spots him and his face crumbles. In an instant he's a kid again and running towards him. "Dee!"

Deceit picks him up easily enough, balancing the tiny side on his hip. He wipes at the tears with a corner of his cape. "Little Shadow, what has you so upset?"

Anxiety sniffles and it is  **not** the cutest thing he's ever seen. "Papa hurt Gree and Ragey." 

Oh. Is that all? Deceit relaxes, a soft laugh leaving his lips. He thought something was wrong.

"It happens little Shadow. It's quite alright. Eventually he will hurt you too." It's a side effect of the curse Fear placed on him. He can't tell a lie while in the Dark side of the mindscape. When he's on the Light side he can't tell the truth. 

His punishment for 'speaking half-truths' as Fear had put it. 

Anxiety shifts back to full grown so quick it makes Deceit dizzy. One blink he's holding his little shadow. Next blink and Anxiety is suddenly taller and  _ he's  _ the one being held.

It's... nice. Anxiety is warm and there's a sense of safety that has Deceits throat tightening with...no. He's fine.

Deceit pulls back to where he can see Anxiety's face. His eyes, swirling purple with ... what is that emotion? Deceit can't place it. 

"Anxiety it's  _ fine.  _ We can't die --"

Anxiety flicks his wrist and Deceits hand goes over his mouth, stifling his words.

Deceit glares. That was his trick! His anger shifts to disbelief as Anxiety turns to face the dragon head on. "You can't do this anymore Papa." 

No one ever said those words before. 

Fear, it seems, is frozen between flight or fight.

While he's trying to decide, Deceit breaks free and grabs Anxiety by the back of his sweatshirt.

They sink out just in time to miss Fears enraged tail swipe.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit makes a choice and breaks Anxiety's heart.

Deceit doesn't know where to go or what to do. He can't go back - Anxiety is small again and the thought of him going against Fear..

It sends chills down his spine. 

Anxiety disagrees. "We gotta go back" He wriggles fiercely in his hold. "He's gonna hurt 'em again!"

Deceit rolls his eyes. "They know not to act out so soon."

Apparently that's the wrong thing to say. Anxiety goes limp, which helps a little but now he's crying again. Tiny, low pitch wails that break his heart. "M'gonna stop 'im I pr'mise!"

A part of Deceit is touched that Anxiety cares so much about them. The rest of him is quickly doused in common sense. "You can take on Fear. You're not too weak at all."

Oh shit.

He's lying. Which means they're in the Light Side.

Deceit looks up and yeup, that's Morality. Giving him the stink eye while trying to smile at the same time. Probably because he's a dark side holding a crying child.

But Deceit can use this to his advantage. He knows what a softy Morality is. He shifts his body to where Anxiety can see the curious side. "Seems we are alone. Won't you say goodbye?"

Anxiety lifts his head up, nose crinkled in confusion. "Dee why y--" He spots Morality and freezes. His face turns red and he quickly hides in Deceits shoulder with a squeak.

"You're not planning on taking on a Dragon but you can say hello to Morality?"

Anxiety mumbles something decidedly Remus sounding but pulls away to wave shyly at the stranger. 

That's all it takes for Morality to melt into a figurative puddle of goo. He bounces forward, a bright grin on his face. But it's not stretched or eery like Duckys. It's different.

Anxiety likes both. 

"Heya kiddo!" His voice is nice too. Smooth and cheery. "Haven't seen you around here before." Morality shoots Deceit a look. "Are you new?"

Deceit decides right then. "Yes. I found him wandering alone, poor thing. He's nowhere to go."

It takes everything he has to keep the aloof look on his face. His lie has Anxiety in tears again and he wants nothing more than to comfort him. He forces away the impulse. 

If it means his little shadow will be safe he’d do anything. Even if that meant breaking his heart.

"He can stay here with us!" Morality is quick to offer, desperate to get the quiet sobs to stop. The commotion has Logic and Creativity appearing. 

Creativity immediately draws his sword to point it at Deceit. 

"Making a child cry, you fiend? Unhand him!"

Deceit ignores the Prince to focus on Logic. He's gotten Morality on board with the idea. Just needs to sell it to one other side. 

Well, he's never been above playing a little dirty.

He all but shoves Anxiety at the Logical side, who stumbles to catch him. It looks like he’s annoyed but in truth he needed to let go before he changed his mind.

"It's either this place or the subconscious."

Lies.

Anxiety makes grabby hands for Deceit, flinching when he gets an annoyed hiss in response. "Dee?" He sounds so lost, his eyes pleading. "Wanna go home, Dee!"

"You don't **_HAVE_** a home!" Deceit roars. "Do what you want with him for all I care!"

The heartbroken wail from Anxiety echoes in his ears as he sinks out. Deceit appears in his room and collapses with tears of his own.

He covers his face with his hands and sobs.

_"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry"_


	5. Logic.exe has Crashed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rage and Deceit make plans. Logic is overwhelmed by cuteness.

It takes only ten minutes for Deceit to regret his decision. By then most of the panic has faded and he's thinking more clearly.

Fear _adored_ Anxiety. Once the dragon calmed down he would have apologized. A few awkward days and things would have gone back to normal, surely. But of course Deceit had to ruin everything, practically throwing his little shadow at those -- _light siders._

What if they tried to ‘fix’ him and only made things worse? Fear was terrifying when he lost control but at least they had each other. Over there, Anxiety would have no one. He was alone.

And Deceit did that to him. Not to mention the not-a-lie he’d had to tell Fear that was currently burning a hole in his stomach.

He tenses when there’s a pounding on his door. 

“Go away,” he hisses. 

Of course no one listens to him, so he’s not surprised when Rage shoves his way through and kicks the door shut behind him. 

Deceit glares at his beast of a brother. “I’m not in the mood--”

Rage uses his front hands to slam into his shoulder and pin him against his desk. Ow. “ ** _Cut the bullshit._** What really happened.”

So Deceit tells him. It's a relief, really, to confess just what he’d done. He even feels a little lighter, no longer carrying the burden alone. 

Rage backs off, a thoughtful look on his face for once. He paces the room, tail swishing moodily behind him. Finally he stops. “I’m pissed at you for giving our brother to _them_ but..this way Fear can’t break him.”

Deceit breathes a sigh of relief."My thoughts exactly.”

“Which means we can use him.”

“I’m sorry?”

Rage grows giddy with excitement. “Help him get **_stronger_** , then bring him back so he can take out Pops once and for all. Then we’ll be free! Your curse will be broken and he can never hurt us again. It’s the perfect plan.”

Deceit hesitates. There’s something dirty about using their little shadow in such a way but...It’s not the worst idea he’s ever heard. “How would that even work?"

Rage grinned. "I'm so glad you asked."

**

Anxiety doesn't know what to do. He's alone and Dee's left him! Literally threw him away - and Anxiety doesn't know why. What did he do wrong?

He curls into a tight ball and shakes. There's a mantra of _nononono_ in his head along with a pressure that _hurts_ in his chest. His eyes are leaking and he bites down hard on his arm to muffle the angry sobs.

He can't be too loud or else they'd break him next. Dee said it was fine and he couldn't lie but _why_. Why was it okay? Maybe there was a reason. Anxiety hadn't thought to ask and now he couldn't because --

_You don't HAVE a home!_

It hurt. Anxiety bites down harder, the anguished wail slipping out no matter how hard he tries to stay quiet. 

Something pokes him in the nose. 

His eyes open at the heavenly smell. What is that? He manages to focus through the tears and blinks.

It's a cookie. He stops biting his arm to grab the treat and hastily shoves it in his mouth. It's still warm and gooey, the rich chocolate melting on his tongue. 

He sniffles when it's gone, brightening when another is presented. 

**

Cookies are hardly nutritious but if it keeps the little side calm Logic will take it. None of them knew what to do when the little one started biting himself and Moralitys idea was simply genius.

Logic didn't know his _literal_ heart could hurt so much until today. But the way the tiny side trembles in his arms and tries so hard to be quiet…

It follows a pattern of one who's been abused, or taught to keep quiet at all costs. Who could do that, to a child no less? 

Logic forces himself to focus. He needs to reassure the little side before he gets worked up again. 

"Salutations. I am Logic." It has to be terrifying to be around strangers, especially for one so young so he figures introductions will help.

"M'Anxiety." The tiny face flushes and for some reason Logic's chest grows warm. Why does he have this urge to squeeze?

Creativity gives a dramatic bow. "And I, little Prince, am Creativity."

Anxiety, to everyone's shock, glares. "Nah uh. Ducky is."

Logic's eyebrows rise up to his hairline. Ducky? "Do you mean The Duke?"

The tiny nod has that strange urge from earlier returning. Logic gives into the impulse and squeezes. 

Anxiety shifts and at first Logic thinks he's overstepped but then the tiny side turns and - oh.

He's being hugged.

There's something that feels right about the way Anxiety fits perfectly in his arms. A chubby hand starts fiddling with his tie, and his literal heart feels like it's about to figuratively burst.

"I would literally kill for you." Logic blurts, highly uncharacteristic of him but he can't _help it._

Anxiety giggles before he can start to worry he's overstepping again. "Ducky says so too." Purple eyes start filling with tears again. Logic quickly snaps his fingers towards Morality in demand of more cookies.

His literal heart can only handle so much in one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So most stories I read have little!Anxiety bonding with Morality or Creativity. Which is great but I wanted to try something different. Also Logic is my second favorite character. I love him so much :D


End file.
